I am back! But it's not the same person.

""It's been too long since I last blogged but I have decided it is time to get back into the mode.

I started blogging in Aug 2010, continuing through to May 2012. My husband said most blogger abandon their blogs after XXX. I told him, "Not this one". Then I disappeared from the blogging scene.

I wasn't idle. I had a gift from above, baby #3. The older kids went to school. We worked hard. We played hard. I was living life to the fullest. There was no time to stop. It felt like everything tumbled into everything else. Overwhelming.

In my original profile, I wrote, "I am deeply grateful to be given this time to slow down, smell the roses and peer at the earthworms in the grass. I explore the small wonders of this world with my children and move my family to a more wholesome and natural lifestyle. I blog about the things that enrich our lives and those that I believe make the world a better place."

Perhaps I should change the profile first. But I am sentimental. I can't bring myself to touch that section. I like the person who wrote that. She sounds happy and contented, viewing the world through rose tinted glasses. What colour are my glasses these days ?

That lady who wrote that, did she yell at the kids ? Would she threaten to tell Daddy ? What would she think of paying a kid to practice her piano pieces ? Well, I think she yelled but not as often as I do. No, she never used Daddy as a threat. She would be appalled that kids should be bribed to learn. "Learning should be directed by the child."

"Ah! What does she know?" say this lady. "She had 2 kids. They were 1 and 3 years old. They napped twice a day, for goodness sake. They didn't have school work then. ECAs were at the park."

"You don't try so hard anymore."

"Hey! I am tired. I have worked 24/7. Almost 365 days for the last 4 years."

I'd like to think that I don't appear to try so hard now because
1. I have embraced my ideals. What I have consciously set out to do have become second nature. 
2. I have repeated some actions enough times to do it confidently, like administer suppositories.
3. I have come to realize that 80% is perfect.
4. My standards have changed.

But thanks. You have got a point there. I needed that reminder. While I may think I am in a state of mothering flow, I must remember that being a mother is a privilege. Being tired is not an excuse for being unloving, less than gentle, unkind. I must remember to listen, to respect, to nurture and to continue to learn the fine art of mothering.

In 2 and a half years, I have changed. I have grown. I am a different person, a different mother. I will not judge who I was and who I have become.

And yes, I must remember to stop and smell the roses.